Movies to Avoid at All Costs !

"Mamma Mia", directed by Phyllida Lloyd (2008)

2009-06-20T22:11:00.006+01:00

Just watched this film on the box and I'm still reeling with shock. How can this ever have become the biggest UK box office success ever ? How can it have sold more DVDs than any other film ? It was AWFUL ! Except for the music - and that wasn't done particularly well - it has absolutely nothing to commend it. To start with, the musical numbers, which could have at least helped the film, were terrible. Some imaginative choreography with the great old Abba songs would have been super, but instead there appeared to be a lot of amateurs prancing around like disjointed clowns in a circus and then jumping in the sea - no doubt driven to attempt suicide as their careers took a turn for the worse. Then the "plot" - well I suppose you can ignore the rather silly story, but it would have been nice for there to be something a little more interesting and less predictable. As for the main actors, well poor old Pierce Brosnan looked embarrassed and acted it - he can't sing and his attempt at the more dramatic moments was hilarious. As for Meryl Streep, the woman just can't act - she was a disgrace and should return her Oscars. Colin Firth and Julie Walters at least managed to keep their tongues in their cheeks, but why on earth any of them accepted the roles I can't imagine. It's not like they need the money - at least I presume not - and their careers have been done no good at all by this.
All I can say is, if you really like Abba, don't go and see it, play the records instead. This has got to be one of the worst films ever - boring in the extreme. If your family insists on watching it , either go out and get drunk or paint a wall and watch it dry - much more interesting !

But if after all this you would really like to buy this film, follow this link.

"American Pie 2", directed by J B Rogers (2001)

2008-12-28T16:17:00.005Z

Although this kind of movie is not very appealing to me, I was persuaded to watch the first "American Pie" and found it to be quite good, well-made and amusing. However, this sequel is something else, something to miss. It really is pretty bad, lacking subtlety, crude in places with a predictable plot, and obviously tries to capitalize on the original. Give it a wide berth !

But if you still want to watch it, you can buy it here !

"Pearl Harbour", directed by Michael Bay (2001)

2008-12-17T11:54:00.004Z

Forget this one ! Avoid it like you would avoid George Bush, or throw your shoes at the screen ! Do you really want to see a "bomb's eye" view of Pearl Harbour ? This is just silly. OK the depiction of the raid, the bombing etc are pretty grim and realistic, but then we get the stupid plot with Ben Affleck and others who should know better prancing round like a lot of schoolchildren....I could go on and on but what's the point - leave this alone -put that DVD DOWN !

Oh OK - if you really want to buy it, I suppose you can - follow this link. But don't say I didn't warn you.

"The Da Vinci Code", directed by Ron Howard (2006)

2008-12-08T23:52:00.003Z

I didn't think much of the book, even though it was a best-seller. I had expected at least a good thriller, but neither the book nor the film made me do much more than yawn. This film was guaranteed to make money and could have at least added some life to the rather tedious plot, but it fails miserably. It's very long - 148 minutes - and it plods along in a most boring fashion. It's not particularly well filmed either. Few redeeming features, in fact as I write I can't think of any, although we did manage to smuggle a couple of brandies into the cinema ! Another to avoid like the plague !

So if you want to be bored, you can buy the movie here.

"Lara Croft, Tomb Raider", directed by Simon West (2001)

2008-12-08T23:41:00.001Z

A very strong contender for the most boring film ever made ! What a load of tosh ! Angelina Jolie struts around in a variety of outfits which reveal most of her charms, but I was never sure quite what was happening, or why. Oh and her dad's in the film too, and he seemed as bored as I was ! The movie lasts 100 minutes but it seems longer than "Gone With the Wind" ! Absolutely no redeeming features, total rubbish from start to finish - don't touch this one with the proverbial barge-pole !
It seems there is also a sequel - haven't seen it but from what I've heard it's even worse than this one.

You may buy "Lara Croft" here if you really want to !!

"Forrest Gump", directed by Robert Zemeckis (1994)

2008-12-08T17:18:00.001Z

I know this was a very popular film, but not with me. I thought it was excruciating, in extremely bad taste and almost embarrassing to watch. For some inexplicable reason I watched it for a second time, and this only confirmed how I originally felt. Tom Hanks plays a slow-witted boy who bumbles his way through his life without a clue of what is really happening and yet manages to be around for a whole lot of very important events - like the Vietnam War for example. If this is meant as a satire, it doesn't work. It's certainly not a comedy, which I suppose is one thing in its favour because the story of a mentally retarded man is not funny. Neither is it a tragedy - at least it's not written as one. So what is it ? Hanks acts the part very well, and the movie was awarded some Oscars I believe, but to me - give it a miss ! Yuk !